Comments : Review sources before using them

Candy, you have written a well-structured and thoughtful essay on a highly topical subject. You begin your writing by capturing readers' attention with a shocking fact, which you then expand into a problem which you address in the body of your essay: the lack of individual responsibility over the global issue of pollution. Clarifying the key issue early on is important as it focuses your audience's attention and gives you a starting point from which you can break down the topic. Perhaps you could have extended your introductory paragraph by telling your readers the key elements of your essay with the following sentence, "This essay will explore the lack of individual residents' responsibility by discussing lifestyle, protesting and power considerations". This would prepare the readers for the content of your essay and justify the organisation of your ideas.