Charis, you have written an entertaining essay on a school event which is obviously a day to remember! Think carefully about why you remember it though. As a reader, I imagine that the day was filled with colourful sights, thousands of different sounds, the smell of cooking food, the feel of grass under your feet, and the taste of fruit after the race. It is the effect on our senses that helps you remember events and therefore it is important to share these details with your reader in order to paint a vivid scene which your reader will also remember.