Tacye, you have written a thought-provoking essay that both informs and persuades your readers in a structured and logical way. You begin with a clear introduction which presents the issue of bullying in a way that encourages readers to reflect on their own experience of the issue ("Almost every student has witnessed bullying. Some may even have been victims.") before implying that your essay aims to make them understand the issue and investigate why it is an "intolerable behaviour". A clear and concise introduction is important, as it is your chance to engage your readers.